10 annoying specimens you meet in the metro

India is a country of jugaad. We make the best out of the available resources to get the job done. But, will it still be called jugaad if the resource is a tiny part of the seat capable of accommodating only a finger and the task is to adjust a huge body within that space. Well, apparently yes. No matter whether they are S or XL or XXL, as long as even the tiniest bit of that matte silver seat is visible to their naked eye, they would expect the other occupants to shift ‘a bit’ and make space for their butts to relax.

We understand that you are tired; we understand that you worked like a donkey all day. We understand that you have to go back home and cook or finish a presentation. We understand that you barely slept for 5 hours last night. The only thing we don’t understand is, if you squat on the floor, where are the other equally tired and worked up ones supposed to stand?

Once they run out of all the interesting things to do during the metro journey say read, sleep, think, or look at their own phone screens, these people try to entertain themselves by peeping into the phone screens of their neighbors, and the worst thing is, they just continue peeping unabashedly.

It’s like being forced to listen to a conversation you absolutely don’t care about. These scattered groups of friends/colleagues/acquaintances just never seem to realize that since they did not get the chance to sit together, they might as well shut up and not talk across the seats.

In spite of the fact that from 6 am in the morning to 11 pm at night, every single day, the announcement man indefatigably keeps reminding us that it’s a punishable offense to eat inside the metro, a lot of us excuse ourselves for doing so. While some of us munch on a packet of chips or hold a sandwich or a fruit in our hand while eating, there are others who unpack the most aromatic and elaborate delicacies like dal rice, momos and sauce, pickle and paranthas etc. Right in the middle of the metro, tempting the ones who are trying to follow the rules by not eating anything in spite of being hungry.

Please offer this seat to someone who needs it more than you do’, ‘For senior citizens and physically challenged’, ‘For ladies only’. We often ignore these signs once we grab the seat and exultantly occupy it, for it’s not always necessary that a senior citizen or a pregnant woman or a physically challenged person will be present in the metro. In that case, it’s fair to occupy the seats meant for them. But sometimes, on seeing that someone who can claim the seat has entered the metro, the ones already occupying it pretend to be asleep so that they are not asked to get up. Our advice: Shake them out of their pretended slumber as ruthlessly as you can and claim the seat that is meant for you.

If they are fighting with their boyfriend/girlfriend over the phone, we are not interested. If they are making love to their boyfriend/girlfriend over the phone, we are not interested. If they are discussing family politics, we are not interested. Why don’t they get it? We are not interested. Please talk softly. Plus, it’s bad manners too.

They argue, they make excuses, they speak balderdash about how you are a young girl and not a lady so this seat is not meant for you and sometimes they straightaway refuse to get up. Sadly, for the ladies, claiming the ‘Ladies’ seat’ is a struggle in itself.

Having said that, the young, perfectly healthy and active girls who claim the ladies seat from old or middle aged uncles need to stop doing that. The ‘Ladies’ seat’ means it’s meant for a lady who needs the seat more than the man does. If you are in your 20s and the uncle occupying it looks like he is in his mid-50s, might as well let him continue sitting.

Kids are cute, bright, innocent and adorable creatures. We love kids. But why do we have to love them in the metro where sometimes they start crying for absolutely no reason at all and then do not stop until they get down.